Exactly midnight, my creeper friend who has a crush on me texted me happy birthday…..exactly.midnight! And that was followed by some random creeper checking me out and propositioning me to “meet up” with him and “cuddle a little” LOLOLOLOL I can’t attract normal guys, can I? …I’m getting a sadistic kick out of all this ^.^
I have come to the realization that I love Kyra, Meg, and Rachel (since you three are the only ones that follow me)! I post pictures of hot/delectable men and you guys put up things about video games/pokemon/harry potter/batman :) It makes me laugh!
I’m off to school tomorrow morning and could not be happier to leave. After the fight with my dad, I really don’t feel comfortable nor wanted in this house. I made the decision not to come back on breaks until he gets the help he needs, but I don’t think he’s going to do anything to change. I’m going to show back up here for my brother’s graduation and it’ll probably be the first time since January that any of my family will see me. I’m hurting my mother by making this decision. She keeps crying and I end up giving in a little to help ease her pain, but I’m not giving on this issue. He needs to get help for himself, for me, for Marc, and most importantly, my mother. She does not deserve to have to be put through this. My biggest fear is by making this decision, I’m going to regret not having the time with my mother. I don’t know what could happen in the next few months and she’s been really sick lately….. >.<
I started a new private blog on my journey to lose enough weight to fit into a size 15, which is my new years resolution. I’d rather still talk about things I’m going through daily on here, but that blog is more about my struggle to accept myself, no matter what I weigh!
does not stop because I’m upset. Learned today that my school is building a new student center and residence hall, which uplifted my spirits. Should be interesting, considering the plans and drawings of the place are really cool. A professor of mine had his work commended by the New York Times. Also, there’s a YouTube video of me singing on the JumboTron in Times Square.
All these things are happening whether I’m happy or not, so why am I finding it hard in rejoicing in these things?
I can’t win, can I? My world is perfect and SOMETHING has to ruin it. Can’t just let me live with being potentially disabled, a commitment-phobe, fat, and too much pain for a sane person to live with? Huh, Universe? How come I’m the one that gets continually fucked over? HAVEN’T I WORKED MY ASS OFF AND GONE THROUGH ENOUGH SHIT TO WIN A GOOD HAND IN LIFE? HOW MUCH SHIT DO I HAVE TO SHOVEL BEFORE I GET SOMETHING GOOD IN LIFE THAT IS NOT TAINTED? FUCK YOU, UNIVERSE, AND FATE! I DON’T DESERVE THIS SHIT!
Why do I pass my classes so easily while others struggle? He failed…multiple things and now may not be allowed back at school. He’s got excuses and reasons, but will that be enough to win him a place back at school? I hope so…….I’d miss him too much :’(
There is nothing wrong with you, Darling. For some people, the married life is the ultimate goal. No one says you are wrong for not wanting it right now. You are still young. You need to sort out your life and who you are before you can even begin to imagine sharing it with someone else. If you still feel you need to be alone, then do. Opening yourself up to someone will come in time, when the time is right. Don’t feel wrong if that time isn’t right now. Don’t force it, don’t let anyone else force you. You are perfect just the way you are, and one day a boy will want to have a piece of that perfection, and you will be able to let him in. It’s not easy, but it can be so worth it.
Smile, lady. I love you. Your friends love you.
P.S. I’m done being anti-social now. —sheepish smile— Call me?